Tractor from hell

For about a month now, everyone at Nevada County Free Range Beef has been after Jim to start blogging. There’d be talk of blogging, thought about blogging, careful consideration of blogging, then some other pressing matter would take center stage; like putting up a couple miles of new fencing, rescuing a newborn calf, or taping up some broken ribs (Jim’s).

“What is blogging, anyway, for cryin’ out loud!”  Jim would bark in his usual gravelly voice, on the rare occasions that we could capture him on the phone. And so we explained what it is, making up some of the details just to keep Jim’s interest.

And Jim was all for blogging. Just one problem. Or two, really. No, make that three.

1. Jim has a computer but has never actually plugged it in.
2. Jim has a cell phone but it often is either unintentionally thrown into irrigation ditches, stepped on by 400-lb. animals, or it has no bars.
3. The thought of Jim tapping away on any kind of keypad, full-scale or contextual, really gave us pause.

“You do it!” was the command.  Everyone else had a lot going on, so it fell to me, the city girl and a perfect foil for Jim Gates, the real deal, modern day cowboy.

“OK, Jim, but just don’t make me ride on that tractor again,” I implored. That would be the charmingly antique 1950 Ford tractor that Jim uses to do ranch chores and test the mettle of  white-knuckled visitors on tours of the terrain. Think Sean Connery or Tom Cruise on some spaghetti switchback road in Monaco or Italy, trying to force the villain over the edge and into oblivion. This is how Jim drives the tractor on a good day. The roll-out is slow, but note the monomaniacal grin on Jim’s face as he plots my fate.

the tractor from hell

“Whatever you say. We’ll always take the ‘gator,” Jim promised while muttering something.

Deal. But first time out for the blog, the comfy ‘gator was nowhere in sight. In its place: the tractor from hell. What makes this the tractor from hell, in addition to Jim’s driving, is the unfortunate fact that there’s no seat for a guest. To go on this journey, you have to perch over the axle while clinging to the back of the driver’s chair. When Jim picks up speed, you have to dodge globs of mud and other unidentifiable flying objects kicked up from beneath the tread.
But I had signed up for this blogging thing and there was a ranch to survey, there were stories to gather and cows to consider and I couldn’t be a wus and back down. Anyway, maybe the tractor from hell is a good enough metaphor for how it is at the whole Nevada County Free Range Beef operation: offbeat, charming, hard-working, and real. Or maybe those are good keywords for Jim himself.
I’ll be back tomorrow or the day after with more. And listen, don’t tell Jim about what’s in this blog. After all, I have to survive the next ranch visit.